Dear Reader,

In the spirit of the HSP LOVE MONTH, I want to share 10 tips for a great partnership!

These come from the Imago Dialogue Authors, Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix. Imago Dialogue is the single best tool for improving communication in adult (or teen) relationships that I have found. When you become skilled at it, your relationship communication becomes loving and compassionate like never before.

AND, they are offering an online workshop next month. I recommend you drop everything and attend with your partner, parent, sibling, or adult child! Yes it's for couples, but it's for all loving, intimate adult relationships. What if you had a script for all your challenging discussions? What if you knew simple ways to make your partner happy... and how to stop making them unhappy?

MARCH 7-9, 2025 Getting the Love You Want: An Online Couples Workshop​

HARVILLE AND HELEN'S 10 TIPS

1. Zero Negativity! NO SHAME, BLAME or CRITICISM Negativity is any thought, word, or deed that tells your partner: “You’re not okay when you think what you think or act the way that you act.” Whether criticism is “constructive” or cruel, it comes from a place of judgment. The critic believes their opinion is the "only" correct one. Instead of criticizing, get curious by saying, “Tell me more about that.”
2. Avoid Escapes Identify “escapes” thoughts, activities, or feelings that avoid emotional or physical involvement with your partner. Escapes can be functional (chores, work, kids), motivated (shows, movies, reading, social media, hobbies) or catastrophic (emotional or physical affairs, addictions). All “escapes” deplete the emotional reserves in a partnership. Make space for intimacy to happen; set your phone down and talk to one another.
3. Acknowledge and Accept Your Partner’s “Otherness.” We all understand that our partner is a separate human being. But deep down we often see and treat them as extensions of ourselves. Practice seeing and accepting your partner as someone with different perceptions, feelings and experiences that are equally valid as your own. Celebrate your partner’s difference!
4. Use Sender Responsibility When You Talk. That means using “I” language, only. Own your experience by saying how you feel rather than blaming your partner. For example, “I feel bad when …” rather than “You make me feel bad when …”
5. Give and Receive Unconditionally Offer gifts with no strings attached. The unconscious receives only unconditional gifts and learn to accept gifts. Often, we feel unworthy of receiving compliments from our partner and reject it. Instead of saying, “You don’t really mean that I’m beautiful/handsome/smart,” say “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you feel that way.”
6. Increase Your Pleasure Quotient Make a list of fun activities you would like to do with your partner. Write down what activities you are currently doing, then activities from the early stages of your relationship, and next activities you would like to try. They should be activities that create deep laughter and/or that involve physical movement and deep breathing. Commit to doing a fun activity once a week.
7. Practice Positive Flooding Flood your partner with compliments. Tell your partner what you love about them: “I love your eyes”, “You are really intelligent”, “I love that you make coffee every morning for me”, “I am so happy I married you!”
8. Learn How to use Dialogue Imago Dialogue uses three basic techniques – mirroring, validating, and empathizing – to fortify the connection between partners. Check to make sure you understand what your partner is saying (mirroring), indicate that what your partner says makes sense, even if you don’t agree (validating) and recognize the partner’s feelings when they tell a story or expresses an opinion (empathizing).
9. Replace all your Monologues with Dialogue and practice having “Safe Conversations.” Dialogue will not only improve the way you communicate with your partner, but it will also improve the relations with your children, and everyone you come in contact with. Practice Dialogue until it becomes a habit and a way of life.
10. Change Your Nightmare into Your Dream Partnership A committed partnership can become someone’s worst nightmare, but through intentionality and commitment, a partnership can also be a spiritual journey. You are with the right person – especially if you feel incompatible. See your partner as the person who holds the blueprint for your journey to wholeness.

Feeling a little provoked by this list? Maybe sometimes you feel helpless or hopeless in your couple. That's normal, but it's really important to seek help. I love working with couples, but I'm also skilled at helping anyone with a wife who is fed up. If that is you (the partner of a fed up wife or a fed up wife) reach out. Let's talk about what helps.

And go to the online workshop with your partner... There is love between you, and it needs nurturing.

Love,
Alane

UPCOMING EVENTS at AYHS

• February 22 – Speaking Horse Class: RELEASE 9:30-11:00am US Pacific | Woodacre, CA
• March 1 - Wise Women & Wonder (55+) 10 am US Pacific | 1 pm Eastern

February Office Hours: (Not a member? Click here to try office hours once.)

• February 11 – Open Coaching Office Hours (AYHS Members Only) 5:30pm US Pacific | 8:30 pm Eastern | Online
• February 20 – Open Coaching Office Hours (AYHS Members Only) 7:30 am US Pacific | 10:30 am Eastern | Online

Alane Freund, MS, MA​
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Lic. #LMFT36077)
International Consultant on High Sensitivity
​P 415-203-6600 E areyouhighlysensitive@gmail.com​

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